Hating yourself was pretty cool… …when you were a teenager.

We ALL did it.

If you remember, at that time in our lives, we’d dream up new and more creative ways to put ourselves down. Especially in front of others.

Often there was an underlying hope a nearby friend would ‘rescue us’ emotionally. Telling us that we’re ‘totally awesome’ and ‘shouldn’t say things like that’ about ourselves.

It’s pretty good advice, when presented without the prompting. But to beg for reciprocation, is not cool at all.

Almost all of us played these, and similar mind-games in our teenage years. Often in exploration of new ways to gain attention from others, other than crying (like we did as a baby).

As a child, we moaned, complained, or maybe even just begged for attention. We got it, too! But as a young adult, those ways no longer seem to work. Especially with our peers.

We didn’t need to be our own worst enemy, back then. Looking around us, it seemed like everyone was our enemy.

Relationships become much more complicated.

Even life-long friends begin to want completely different things from each other. No more playing in the mud, or building forts. They’re more concerned about their social circle, and status, whatever THAT means.

It was easier to be different, than it ever was to try and ‘fit in’.

All you ever wanted to do was scream back at the world, for not being fair.

No wonder it was such a confusing time.

Some People Get All the Luck

Some teenagers were lucky enough to be really good at certain things. Those people got praise and positive attention from everyone around them.

Their academic or sports achievements proudly displayed all over the school building, and parents’ houses. They also showed in test scores, or by them winning events. Parents and teachers alike praised their every, single, move. They were the golden children, incapable of doing anything wrong. Even when they did.

If those people even breathed in our general direction, we were supposed to be grateful.

Those of us with other talents, not recognized in the areas of sports or academia, were ignored.

Not ‘as important’ to the school, we were just there to make up the numbers, make sure they got their budget allocation, and to join the league of otherwise invisible souls.

The creative, loving, generous, honorable, funny, quirky ones were labelled as having ‘short attention spans’, or ‘disruptive’.

Some people got it even worse than THAT. They got called ‘average students’.

Fuck THAT noise.

Worst Life of The Week Award

Our ‘sport of choice’ was to state how miserable we were, or how pathetic we’d become in comparison to these ‘high school superheroes’ and their popularity.

Misery loves company, so there was plenty of others to join us. Discovering what negative emotions you had in common, competing for the ‘worst life of the week’ award, Extra kudos could be gained by having more abusive parents than the other kids. Or if the contents of your wallet / bank account / parent’s gratuity, were worse than the rest of the group.

Trying to explain how being ignored by your parents was perhaps worse, was a hard sell.

Many of us would’ve happily paid to be ignored, If we’d even had a dime to scratch our asses with.

We all lost, and won, together.

This kind of whining and complaining is accepted in adolescence, as we find our way in life.

It even tends to extend into young adulthood, which also tends to be a bit of a culture shock for most.

The After-School Honeymoon Blues

As you leave school and move out into the workplace, you discover a whole new version of sadness.

The world owes you nothing. Your parents don’t support you anymore.

No longer do you get 12 vacation weeks a year, evenly spread out so you don’t ever work longer than 6 weeks in a row. Although, I still believe this is a school teacher’s cult conspiracy theory.

NOTE: I’m being sarcastic, that was a joke. School teachers work their ASSES OFF teaching other people’s evil little monsters, for a living. How they don’t murder them, especially high-school students, is beyond me. They NEED more vacations than any other working being on the planet, and DEFINITELY don’t get paid nearly enough.

Suddenly you have rent, food, bills, clothing, transportation, and a ton of new responsibilities you weren’t ever taught about, or anywhere near prepared for. Other than when your parents brought it up, or whatever bullshit they used to say. Probably should’ve listened a little more, right? But then again, who does THAT!?

For the first time in your life, you have a truly real, genuine fear for what the future holds, and nobody’s there to catch you when you fall.

When not around your ‘friends’ to share your new-found misery with, you begin to miss your parents, maybe even feel a little sorry for yourself. They always seemed to know what to do (spoiler alert: we’re ALL winging it, our entire lives, duh!).

Remember when you still lived with your parents, and you knew EVERYTHING?

Me too.

Funny how wrong we were, isn’t it?

This is all, of course, completely 100% normal for all young adults, finding their way in the world they’re completely new to.

The Misery Continues

After a few years of working, you may begin to hate your job. This is very easily done, especially when surrounded by other average adults, that also hate their jobs.

Everyone your age, and even older adults confirm you’re ‘100% correct’ to hold this belief, an a daily basis.

Fast-forward a few years, and you could be forgiven for believing life won’t ever get any better. Once this sets in, it begins to rot away enthusiasm, motivation, and almost any potential for escape.

It becomes a self-perpetuating truth.

The more you believe you’re fucked… …the more fucked you are.

You own worst enemy is growing inside you by now, and getting stronger every single day. It can seem impossible at times to see how anyone CAN succeed, with the ‘whole world stacked against you‘. No wonder so many people believe that bullshit.

That’s the thing about mass-societal lies. They’re the most believable, because almost everyone believes them, no matter HOW wrong they are.

The problem is, you NEED to believe the things that nobody else does, because that’s where the magic actually DOES happen.

If everything you ever wanted was easy to get, and right there in front of you, you’d want something else.

Those that dare to dream and reach for them, even against all odds, are the one’s that get them.

A Meeting with an Old Friend

At some point in your life, you’re walking down the street and see someone from ‘back-in-the-day’. Someone you used to know as a kid. An old friend you went to school with. You haven’t seen them in years! Only, something’s very different about them.

In comparison to you, your old friend seems highly successful.

They’re well dressed, drive a nice car, own a successful business, and tell you all about their nice house, wife, and family.

Your mind can go several different ways with this information.

Here are a few ways you could go with this…

1.   You Become Jealous

You can’t understand what it is about them, but you don’t like it at all. Why are they so successful, anyway? They come from the same place you do. You grew up on the same streets. Had the same friends. Did all the same things.

But, what did they have, that you didn’t?

It’s not fair that they had that opportunity, and that it didn’t come to you.

You hate them for being successful. All that money they have… …they don’t deserve it.

2.   Look for Reasons or Excuses

After talking to your old friend, you observe a few things. Certain details of how they got their success seem kinda lucky, when they describe it to you.

You begin to look for excuses as to why they were able to do things better than you. And you find them, too.

You find quite a few excuses in your mind, as to why they had some sort of advantage, that you didn’t.

And, why you just can’t succeed.

• No wonder they were able to do it, with everything they had
• There’s no way this could ever work out for you
• They were in the right place, at the right time
• This person is much better connected with the right people
• The first job they had was way better than yours
• Their family have much better friends than yours
• They were practically born into it
• If you were better at math, or had a better brain, you could’ve been a successful too. But you’re not, and you didn’t, so that won’t ever happen

You’ll never catch a break.

Success doesn’t happen to people like you.

It just wasn’t meant to be.

3.   You Get Inspired

Overwhelmed with positivity, you just love listening to them talking. You’re so happy for them, and get really motivated listening to their story.

Seeing their success shows you that maybe if they could do it, you could pull it off, too.

There’s no reason why if you try something different and look for other new opportunities, you can’t find your thing, too.

Wealth is not a zero sum game… …anyone can be wealthy.

You love this person’s energy, and decide to reconnect with them. If you become friends with them again, maybe they’ll even show you a thing or two.

Are there any clues you can get from what they’re doing, that you’re not?

Maybe there IS a chance for you.

The Emotional Crossroads

Read through the above three examples again. Try to put yourself in each situation again, and feel it.

Really lean-in and feel those emotions.

Don’t judge the feelings, just allow yourself to feel them, as if you were there.

If you’re anything like me you’ve probably felt all three of them, at different points in your life.

Most of us can identify with or remember someone, who’s a close match to this scenario.

The above examples are what I like to call an ‘emotional crossroads‘.

You may not have recognized them as this, yet.

But, life deliberately puts these things in front of us frequently, to see what choice we’ll make. They’re kind of a ‘fork in the road’, for us to choose an emotional direction.

Life wants to know if we’re ready yet, by showing us possibilities and allowing us to turn them away, if we want to.

Depending on your mindset, you’ll usually see these lessons in at least ONE of the three ways mentioned above.

Jealousy, Excuses, or Inspiration

People in often say you shouldn’t ever compare yourself to others, as it’s negative for your mindset, although that’s actually bad advice.

I have a blog post that goes into the psychology of social comparison.

The truth of the matter is, we NEED these comparisons.

No matter what you choose from the three options above, this is a test with only ONE true question.

Are you Your Own Worst Enemy, or Your Own Best Friend?

If you get jealous, find excuses, or complain… …you’re not quite ready to be your own best friend yet.

Truth be told, you’re unhappy. And it’s okay to be unhappy. Trust me, I’ve been there. Most people in the world today suffer from unhappiness on some level, or another.

And, I get it. Probably more than most people… …your life was HARD, right?

Mine was, too.

I grew up with an alcoholic father, a physically abusive mother, broke as hell in a bad public school, surrounded by poor people with the same broke mentality that I had.

I hated the system.

More than anything, I hated the low-end bullshit life I’d ‘been dealt’.

I thought my life was fucked, from day one. As a kid, I often cried myself to sleep at night. I’d feel sorry for myself for being born into such a shitty environment.

Other kids were born into SO MUCH MORE than I ever had.

To me, it wasn’t fair.

I’m an intelligent person, with a high IQ, but I didn’t try at school at all. Instead, I’d already given up. So, I walked out of school at 15 years old, looking to ‘get out’.

Running away from my problems, straight into more of them.

If you’re your own worst enemy right now, you might not even see it.

But, I know a thing or two about that life.

Here’s how it works…

Becoming Your Own Worst Enemy

When you’re your own worst enemy it’s like having a really, really AWESOME friend, that also just so happens to be a criminal.

They’re great! Loyal, fun to be around… …edgy. This friend has this awesome, sarcastic, dark sense of humor. They bring out a ‘different you’. Sometimes you almost feel ashamed, when laughing at their jokes. They poke fun at society, and see things differently. In a darker, more fucked up, sarcastic way.

You love having this person around. They’re amazing to party with, and hang out with, too. This person really seems to get you, and totally values your friendship. Not like those other idiots out there. This person is ‘real’.

You guys get up to some really crazy shit, for real. Both of you sure know how to party together, and always have the wildest of times.

But, they never have any money. So, you always have to pay for everything. You also kinda need to keep one eye over your shoulder at all times. Probably wouldn’t want to leave this friend alone in your house for long, around things of value, even if you don’t believe they’d steal from you.

You’ll never really trust this person is telling the truth.

They wouldn’t have the best advice for you, either.

You don’t trust their advice, you’d never do most of the things they’d do, but for some reason you allow them to hang around in your life.

Why Keep Doing It to Yourself?

Is there ANY REASON AT ALL to stick around this person?

Are they going to improve your life?

Introduce you to interesting people?

Show you how to build an amazing business?

Will they have good investment advice?

Or help you grow into a loving human being?

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!

If you continue hanging out with this person, they’re going to drag your life down.

The hardest thing about this scenario, is that it’s not even ANOTHER PERSON that’s your worst enemy… …IT’S YOU!

You’re the one talking shit in your own ear, making everything worse for yourself from the inside out.

It’s you making bad decisions, based in a scarcity mindset.

You fear other people becoming successful and hate when others have more than you.

The teenage you is still hating on everything in your life.

THIS internal friend will NEVER have your best interest at heart. So, it’s time to stop listening to them.

Oh, remember that ‘old friend’ we talked about earlier?

The Good Old Friend

Imagine you DID bump into an old friend that became a millionaire, today. Only, THIS person was your BEST friend you EVER HAD when you were kids.

Picture them in your mind. You spent every moment with each other. Outdoors after breakfast, all the way until the streetlights went out, and your mom had to come out looking for you.

You were REAL best friends. The accolade VERY few people ever get in your life.

But then one day, they moved away. You cried when they left, and never really heard from them, since.

Since then, you had some ‘good’ friends, sure. but you never really felt THAT close to anyone, ever again.

There were no more best-buddies, secret handshakes, building dens, frying ants with magnifying glasses, damming up the creek, rope swings, or exploratory missions to strange new places.

Becoming a miserable teenager ruined everything since then.

You signed up for the pity-party, and the rest is history.

But, here they are.

Your old best friend.

Standing right in front of you, larger than life.

You can hardly believe it’s them.

Staring you right in the eyes.

Smiling.

A much taller, much better looking, WAY better dressed version of that old friend you rolled in the mud with.

Catching Up on Old Times

When you first see each other, you’re SO excited. You can barely believe it’s THEM! How have they BEEN?

What’s happened since they moved?

You grab lunch together and take the afternoon off work to catch up. Sitting, just talking and talking, for hours.

It’s just like the old days. Man, how time flies! Has it really been THAT LONG?!

Everything is so much fun right now. It almost feels as if they never even left.

You laugh about all the stupid shit you got up to. Remember how mad their mom got that one time?

Oh man, you were BOTH grounded for DAYS!!

Did anyone ever find out about that other thing? NEVER? Oh, your secret’s safe with ME!

They’d never believe us, anyway.

Between the laughter, you listen intently to their story of success. As they speak, it all just makes so much sense to you. You feel zero jealousy, or resentment. Not for THEM! This person is special.

They deserve everything they have, and more. You couldn’t be happier for them.

You nod in amazement at their story, but also with complete understanding. The both of you just seem to ‘get’ each other.

Words defy you to describe how much you’ve missed this friend. Everything about your meeting just seems fateful.

This couldn’t have been just a coincidence.

It feels so right!

You Start to Believe Again

Your friend is surprised where you are in your life.

They remember the different, younger, brighter, more hopeful version of you. In fact, they’re bringing it back out in you, right now.

Whatever happened to that younger, more enthusiastic you?

You allow yourself for a moment to entertain the thought… … “Hell, if THEY can become a millionaire, maybe it’s possible for anyone.”

Even you.

The End of a Friendly Reunion

The afternoon with your old friend, comes to a close.

After a few drinks, and numerous phone calls to their spouse and business associates, making EVEN MORE time for just little-old’ you.

It felt as if almost no time had passed at all.

You’re feeling invigorated.

Full of life, energy, and hope.

You haven’t felt like this since… …well, you can’t even remember when.

Your old friend looks at you, hugs you, and hands you their custom business card.

“Same time and place next week? It would be a shame not to do it again, right?”

You’re stunned, yet honored, all at the same time.

Hell, YES, you’re gonna meet them next week!

They make you feel truly alive again.

In one short afternoon, all the pain, hatred, unhappiness, and emotional suffering were completely removed from your life. Replaced with laughter, fun, hope, old dreams. And it won’t be just this one time.

There’s much more to come.

A Week of Eager Anticipation

You can’t wait for next week. Work, FLIES by.

You even pull out and look through some of your old scribblings. Business ideas, ‘inventions’, etc. You know, the ‘stupid’ ones.

The next time you meet with your friend, maybe you’ll bring up ‘THAT story’.

You smile.

What a coincidence, right?

WRONG.

This friend, is your TRUE best friend.

The one true friend that EVERYONE needs.

It’s the real you.

Becoming Your Own Best Friend Again

The motivation, enthusiasm, and brightness in your heart, is still there.

The truth is you REALLY CAN be that best friend for yourself.

Anyone can.

You can repress, ignore, and choose not to listen to that good friend, too.

But, if you don’t choose your friendship, kindness, and love, over the doubt, pain, excuses, and complaints you keep giving yourself… …the world can’t even consider giving them back to you.

I’d argue that if you choose to HAVE the friendship, love, and happiness, those things are already there!

When you see other people, whether in real life, on social media, TV, media, or anywhere…

…life is asking YOU, to believe in YOU.

It’s asking if you still believe in yourself, or have you given up, already?

What Would Your Best Friend Say?

Next time life shows you something you want…

…ask yourself what your millionaire best friend might say about it.

They’d stand alongside you, provide support, encouragement, confidence, and drive, so that you KNEW you could do it, too. That good friend would tell you that you CAN really do anything you want. If you want what that other person has, you should go for it.

Nobody can stop you, or stand in your way, more than yourself.

They might say, “Wow, can you imagine if we did that together? that would be awesome!”

They may even check in on you as an accountability partner, help push you in the right direction, encourage you, advise you, but also just be there as your best friend.

Your old best friend is someone you can call to just take a break from your day, if you want. Even though they’re a millionaire, they ALWAYS find time for YOU.

Talking to them, hours pass by. You often lose track of time.

After talking to them, you feel like you could take on the whole world.

Or maybe you really were just having a little too much fun.

I don’t know, to be honest.

But I do know ONE thing…

…I’d rather be MY own best friend, than my own worst enemy…

…wouldn’t you?